My life…

… got better :)

Beautiful music and a beautiful idea, to share for today:

http://www.lukeslott.com/

Ever since I moved here…

… and Mr Canadian started refusing to go with me to the cinema (can’t blame him, people routinely keep up phone conversations, talking in full voice and resting their boots comfortably on other peoples’ seats after all), all I needed to do was to develop a thick skin – and discover the most beautiful thing: cinema days. Today was one of them. Sometimes I’d be just sitting miserable in my office knowing that nothing else could ever cheer me up and make me feel elated as much as going to the cinema alone. It’s like taking a large piece of stone off my back, like treating myself with exactly the one restaurant I feel like in Montreal, like going for a gigantic Siesta Cafe coffee in cafe avec ambiance in Krakow, choosing just the right color and shape of earrings in the morning. Listening to self. Expressing self. Giving me a voice. I know now why people love cinema. It frees thoughts.

Anyway, seen today How do you know … how to fall in love :)
While not a brilliant movie, it was just as if I ordered that for today. Fitting perfectly.

Random thoughts

31 January

Calories so far: 700 (includes breakfast, lunch and 2 coffees. Not bad)

Number of positive things heard about myself – 1 but v. nice and completely opposite to what I thought

Number of spoiling things – 1 : got a yummy vanilla Tim Horton’s cappuccino from limited supply from Mr. Canadian, before leaving for work :)

Number of negative things to deal with – 2 (annoying friend and Monday morning)

Worries – still didn’t update self on the situation in Egypt today. Worried about Joseph’s family. No time so far.
Also, didn’t check my bank account. Dreading that moment.

Beautiful moments seen – sunlight through the trees on the old wall of bank through my window.
Beautiful things around me – kings of convenience in my head speakers as I work.

Number of daydreams: around 20. Usual number for me.
Today’s daydreaming included Skelling Michael for St. Patrick’s weekend (combined with browsing photos of rock birds on google & thinking they are cute). Quite impossible actually, but daydreaming is a way into Mondays :)

<- Example of cute Mr Puffin that lives on Skelling Islands, is fluffy, sad and huggable :) (credit to Agnieszka Szewc for the photo)
Number of wonderful plans that are not daydreaming: planning a weekend in Rome 12-13 February!
(still dreading to look at own bank account though).

Today’s resolution: keep up that smile.
Work – I have the energy to make it a long and productive day.

Fat brave plans :)

Well, the use of the word ‘fat’ was most unfortunate. Anyway plans include:

- Intense German language course in Goethe Institute (Fridays, cause it was cheaper)

- Nice relaxing smoothing jazz jam session every Wednesday in Centre for Creative Practices

- Working more on jewelery and trying to set up an Internet store or some other way of selling it (maybe Slovak cafe will be happy about it?)

- Going to Zumba on Thursdays and keeping it regular

- Finding another workout that I could do everyday to keep myself in shape (so far am in non-existing shape)

- Hiking when the spring comes… hopefully 1 day out for every weekend that passes

- Eating healthy (or much healthier) = kicking out all guilty pleasures of my diet

- Not letting the gloom and loneliness in this city get to me

Happy that those changes somehow sprang in a natural way out of the return blues I’ve been experiencing ever since I got back from Canada.
I didn’t force myself to change everything. I just sat down and pampered myself for few days, and allowed the child in me to feel loved.

All Saints Day

I know that some may find it slightly morbid.. but in this colorful mess and chaos of Halloween (tradition unknown to me until 2004) I really do miss real All Saints Day, the way it was back home. This is one of aspects of living an expat or migrant life that never really goes away. Topped with the fact that the last time I went home was in January, my homesickness & feeling uprooted is currently feeding on anything anyway.

In any case , All Saints Day really ain’t just another day. As bizarre as it sounds, it is one of my most favorite days in a year. I know that people look at me weird when I say it (so I try not to say it too often) but take them to any old cemetery in dusk, with flood of lights,  enchanting smell of flowers and that peaceful atmosphere of reflection and inner silence, and they might just get what I mean…  It’s one of those days that challenges us to think about passing time and our own roots. My own meditation sphere.
As an expat, I think that is what I miss most.

Borrowed a picture from a friend – copyright D. Lisiecka :)

PS long overdue post about my vacations – travels – all things fun will come shortly :)

Embracing my waves :)

Thanks to my girlies BES – Vonnie and Jay HB I started looking at my hair differently :) I’ve always liked it even though secretly wished it was more curly, and heard countless compliments on how thick or how shiny or how wavy it is. Yet I never took time and did my research to find out how to really care well for it.

But, you see, natural hair journeys of African American (gorgeous) women from US can be inspirational to folks all over the globe :) I decided to embrace the beauty of my wavy hair, stop wishing they were curly and try to care for them best I can, to give them healthiest wavy look ever!

My hair, doing what it pleases. Sometimes more, sometimes less curly:

I found a blog specifically for girls with wavy hair:
http://www.naturallycurly.com/curlreading/author/alyssa-wave-on and hope to get my hands on as many products as possible :) I want to embrace the natural beauty of my hair, stop wishing it was different, understand that they are a part of me the way they are, and enjoy having good and bad hair days, since each one of them will be unique.

thanks my babies for being inspirational! <3 <3

Bieszczady, my most beautiful.. I miss you so

Do you know that fondness for places that you just don’t seem to be able to shake off? Seeing the beauty in something other people wouldn’t even notice?

Bieszczady Mountains are the place of my sweet memories. It’s the 2nd spot on the map of Poland, right after Kraków that can cause me to tear up (yes, I am talking about staring at the piece of paper hanging on the wall, green and red dots, and tearing up. sorry. it’s an emotional post. see the word ‘miss’ in the title for reference).

First time I went there in summer 2002. I was a student on my 2 year, finally living in the south of Poland = enjoying all that gorgeous hiking it has to offer (Poles hike quite a lot. It’s a national hobby/sport. I was astounded to find out other nations don’t do it too much. You’re missing out, people, seriously :P). Bieszczady, dark valleys lost in traces of fog, paths crossed by rays of sunshine, water dancing on green leafs, it all stole my heart. It was a fine summer, full of those characters that are just so typical to little villages lost somewhere between the dream and reality. I came back many times since, and got to explore what has been a mystery of that land, villages of old Ruthenian minorities that used to inhabit that part of Poland, traces of human lives that disappeared from the map since WW2. Now the cellars of their houses and stones of their orthodox churches are slowly eaten up by the forest. You wouldn’t find them unless you follow a local, and those traces will soon probably cease to exist… such is the dynamics of nature…

I guess my whole post is just to say how much I miss this place. I can’t just hop on the plane and be there for a weekend, it’s too far from any airport. I can close my eyes and remember, but I so wish sometimes there was a way to disappear in one place and appear in another. Time and space travel that takes no longer than a second, and then just wind, grass, sunshine, wild strawberries and silence. I so love and miss that.

run run run…

I need ME TIME so badly…

ever found yourselves in that moment when you feel like nothing’s enough? Not enough sleep, not enough time, not enough relax, ok, food is enough! that’s about it.

work work work work work work work. I so look forward to the weekend! Maybe I’ll have figured out by then how to post pictures that I intend to take MANY in Kerry, Ireland, next weekend.

late edit: I did –> Kerry:

Michaelsphere…

I’ve been in a completely different sphere all this week. Michael related – again. It still hurts. I’m exhausted. Reading that frigging autopsy report most surely did not help.

I guess it really is a bad sign when all I want is to crawl into my bed on Friday night, right?…It all sets in – he’s not coming back…

Szare niebo – Grey skies…

I was in awe when I returned to Ireland on 4^th of January, and the sky was crystal blue, sunny and clear, and it was snowing! I resolved that Dublin was created to be covered by snow – the city centre looked so bright with a blanket of fresh snow everywhere. Unfortunately, snow lasted only 2 days… (in the meantime managing to paralyze a whole country – airports, offices, schools, universities, bus systems). For some reason, so-called scumbags of Dublin (who you’ll find on every corner) treated snow as an invitation to throw hard snowballs on everyone and everything that dared to move. Sighing quietly (as Polish scumbags, who you will find plenty as well, don’t even notice snow anymore) I tried crossing streets safely.

Today I woke up in a grey world again, with my only poem ever published replaying in my head. I was 13 when I wrote it. A poem is still relatively good, I think, which is rare to say about something written 15 years, 4 cities, 2 schools, 5 jobs, 3 boyfriends and 2 lovers ago. Published in a local newspaper, made me into a famous local poetry writer, for one day. Since then I never wrote anything else remotely worth publishing. Turns out I didn’t become a writer, but hey, I still like it. Here is how it goes, only in Polish unfortunately, I don’t know how to translate my own poetry :P

Piosenka szara
w godzinie świtu
Krzyk ptaka
stalowe niebo
Otwarte oczy
I martwe źrenice
Drżące powieki
… codzienność.

Sitting in my office and letting my life replay itself in front of my eyes again (I’m doing that a lot since I came back to Ireland, the mirror of Krakow right in my face again, never-ending ‘what ifs’) I decided on 4 things:

1 I’ll finally do something that makes me happier (take a new language class, or that class in jewellery making that I’ve always wanted to take)
2 I’ll write more and try to focus on one topic and develop my style – in Polish, of course..
3 I’ll dance again – preferably during a lunchbreak…
4 I’ll move to a place that makes me happier - and it will be a smart move this time ;)

What good can come out from sitting and wondering what would happen, had I never moved? I need to make the best with the stuff I have. Having sorted this out (if it was only as easy as it looks like written down), I resolved I need to leave my office at the humanly acceptable hour today (6pm looking good). I am back to working like a little bee - so bye all for now :)